Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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