Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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