We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
