I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
