How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
