I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
