There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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