I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
