is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize