one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
