Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
