between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
