Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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