saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize