Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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