just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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