They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
