i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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