Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
