its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
