and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
