she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize