The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
