1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
