Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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