His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
