You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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