Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
