Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
