So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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