at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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