I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
