No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
