Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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