Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
