i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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