I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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