So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
