You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize