Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
