I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
