I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
