She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize