i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
