We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
