Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
