So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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