hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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