Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
