; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize