we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
