mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
