Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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