he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
