The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
