Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
whose parrot is this?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
