planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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