imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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