dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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