Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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