Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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