look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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