my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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