hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize