last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
