remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
