The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
