Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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